Never Think
by x.rosa.lie
Summary: Isabella. Bella. Bells. The love of my life. The reason for my happiness. The receiver of my adoration. Bella Swan - hurt. Because of me. What other choice do I have? REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1 September 13th

It was her birthday, though, if asked, I highly doubted that she would admit to it.

She was caught up about the fact that she was older than me now. Me, frozen forever at seventeen, and her, Isabella Swan, eighteen years old today.

I understood her reasoning to a certain extent, but not her intentions. She was set on becoming a vampire, like me and the rest of my family; and she didn't want to be that much older than me when she would change.

Being a vampire means immortality, but stuck in the same body for eternity. When a human is transformed, they are frozen the way they are forever—but of course, with pale white skin, blood red eyes, extremely alert senses and an overpowering thirst for human blood.

I, Edward Cullen, had gold eyes, though—and so did the rest of my family: Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice. We chose to resist the killing of humans in exchange for their blood. Instead, we only hunted animals.

"Come on, Edward; if you want her to open her gifts in the parking lot you'd better hurry up!"

Alice shot down the stairs and out the door—her speed creating a small gust of wind; her scent infusing with the dust particles in the air—heading towards the garage where my silver Volvo was parked.

I stood up from the piano bench I was perched on and shrugged my thick, grey winter coat on.

"Alice and I are heading out now, Esme!" I called out, though nobody was near, apart from Jasper, who was lounging on the sleek, white couch, not paying much attention to the flashing images on the television screen in the corner.

Since he'd graduated last year, he'd spent most of his days doing nothing, now that Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa—or at college, according to the rest of Forks, and Alice and I had another year of high school to get through.

Though Emmett and Rosalie had made a return trip today, and would be home shortly, since it was Bella's birthday, and Alice and Esme had insisted on throwing her a party.

Rosalie resented this event a little; she was anything but nice to Bella due to complicated, unexplained reasons. Of course, Emmett had embraced the news when Esme had told them about the party; he loved to poke fun at Bella at every given opportunity.

A gush of wind flew in my direction, and Esme materialised next to me.

"Goodbye honey," she said glancing up at me, a soft smile lighting up her heart-shaped face. "Tell Bella I wish her a happy birthday."

She kissed me on the cheek and walked at a slow, human pace through to the kitchen, probably to attempt to bake a birthday cake for Bella—not a single one of us had gotten used to cooking human food yet.

"See you later Jazz," I called, twisting my head in Jasper's direction as I strolled towards the front door.

"Bye Edward, have fun at school," he replied, a smirk crossing his face.

"You'd think I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of it, wouldn't you, the number of decades I've been there?" I smirked back at him.

After a while, I _couldn't _stand the sight of it. But last March, Bella Swan had started at Forks High School—and my whole life had turned around.

I headed out the door, towards the car which Alice had brought out onto the driveway. She swiftly switched places into the passenger seat and I climbed into the front. I turned the ignition and we were away, shooting down the long driveway, under the shade of a canopy of tall trees.

We were at school in a matter of minutes; Alice climbed out of the car and I followed.

I was leaning against the Volvo when her old, burnt-orange truck rolled into the parking lot. I watched Bella's eyes as she found me, then Alice, and spotted the small, silver-wrapped gift box in her hands. She'd made me promise not to spend any money on her, but Alice was free to do so.

She killed the blustering engine, hopped out of her truck, and began the walk to where we stood. Alice skipped over to meet her and wished her a happy birthday, and Bella immediately started glancing round, no doubt to make sure nobody had heard. I grinned.

After a few more seconds—and as the burning thirst in my throat intensified—they reached the spot where I was stood. I held out my hand and she took it at once.

She lifted her head to look into my eyes, and I hers. Her cheeks flushed a delicious pink colour, and I heard her heartbeat stutter as I squeezed her fingers gently. I lifted my free hand to her face and traced a fingertip around her lips as I spoke.

"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"Just checking." I pulled my hand up to my tousled, bronze hair and brushed my fingers through it absentmindedly. "You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice laughed, her voice like tinkling wind chimes, as I grinned at Bella. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

I continued to grin as I stared into her soft, brown eyes.

As Alice finished her sentence though, I sensed the emotion in Bella's eyes changing, and they turned cold.

"Getting older," she answered, her voice sounded shakier than it's already fragile state.

My grin disappeared and automatically turned into a thin, hard line.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice promised, cocking her head to one side, trying to stay optimistic. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?

"It's older than Edward," she mumbled in response, glancing down towards the hard blacktop.


	2. Chapter 2 Contingency Plans

Disclaimer: Both the characters and the story line do not belong to me.

**Previously:**_ "Eighteen isn't very old," Alice promised, cocking her head to one side, trying to stay optimistic. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?_

"_It's older than Edward," she mumbled in response, glancing down towards the hard blacktop._

I let out a sigh, and shifted my weight.

"Technically," Alice said, making sure her voice was still as musical and light as ever. "Just by one little year though."

I could see in Bella's face now that her thoughts were elsewhere, where I wished they would never stray. She was thinking about the future, the future that she begged me to allow: turning her into a creature like me, a monster. Even though I couldn't read her mind, I knew that much—though I did possess the gift to read anybody else's thoughts, Bella's mind seemed to have it's own shield.

But I was dead set against any future that involved Bella changing in any way, shape or form. I knew she didn't agree with my decision at all; but she didn't know what existing like me, like Carlisle, or Alice, would involve. It had taken hundreds of years for Carlisle to be as controlled as he was, and to be able to live the way he was living.

Alice interrupted my thoughts.

"What time will you be at the house?"

She had 'seen' that this would avert Bella's mind away from that subject, and shift her worries completely, although I was quite sure I wanted to avoid this subject as much as the last. Bella would most definitely not go along without a fight.

"I didn't know I had any plans to be there."

"Oh, be fair, Bella!" she grumbled, though her complaint didn't alter the soft tone of her voice. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"

I knew Bella's intentions were to do that exactly—ruin the fun—but not directly. She despised having all the attention focused on her. I knew this from her first few days at Forks High School; the humiliated expression she had worn was almost comical.

"I thought my birthday was about what _I _want," she complained.

I didn't have to read her mind to know she was going to act like this either, difficult. I knew her well enough now—after six joyous months—that she could be very stubborn at times, when she was set against doing something in particular.

I decided that it was time to intervene.

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," I told Alice. I felt Bella's eyes on me, she was obviously searching through her head to figure a way out of this. She seemed to find one.

"I have to work."

"You don't actually," Alice told her smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

Judging from the bewildered expression on Bella's face, this had clearly caught her out. I watched her intently, speculating as to what she would come up with next. If only I could read her mind—her being the one exception to my gift—then I'm sure, in her head now, thoughts would be running around like wildfire. She would be trying desperately to bring one to the forefront that would work suitably.

"I—I still can't come over," she stammered. "I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English." Her eyes darted around frantically as she stuttered over her answer.

Alice's mind searched through memories, until she settled on a few in particular that all had one major feature in common. She was remembering the amount of times she'd arrived at Bella's house, and Bella would be sat cross-legged on the old leather sofa in Charlie's living room, engrossed in the film, reciting the lines along with the actors. I tried to compress the smirk that was fighting to surface on my face.

Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it—that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

I rolled my eyes and wondered how long it would be before she gave up. I skimmed through Alice's thoughts, searching, and found that she hadn't seen anything that involved that happening in the near future.

Alice had premonitions, or visions of what would happen in the future. Although her visions were subjective, the future changes depending on the decisions that people make.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused, her eyebrows pulling together in agitation.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

Finally, Alice decided that she'd had enough and lost the smug smile she'd been wearing before; she glared at Bella.

"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other—"

I quickly interrupted her threat. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

The smirk on Bella's face indicated that she thought I'd given up, and that Alice wouldn't be far behind.

"So there," Bella pronounced, a child-like manner to her voice.

"I'll bring her over around seven," I continued. "That will give you more time to set up."

Alice's laughter chimed again. I knew she'd predicted this happening, so hadn't given up on her fight. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned—the wide smile exposed two lines of glistening white teeth—then pecked Bella on the cheek and headed off toward her first class, before Bella even had a chance to respond.

"Edward, please—" she started to beg, but I lifted one finger and pressed it to her lips.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."

Nobody paid much attention to us as we walked to our usual seats at the back of the class; I let my arm drape casually around her shoulders until we were seated, and Bella finally relaxed. I'd managed to persuade the administrators to change my timetable, so I was in all the same classes as Bella.

I glanced around the room and picked up on Mike Newton's thoughts. He'd seemed to accept now that he would only ever be friends with Bella, and he flashed her a smile. I noticed how he'd shaped his hair to faintly resemble mine, and grinned. Bella glanced at me to see what was so funny.

The day progressed, and while we were walking between classes, and even sat in class, I knew that whenever Bella wasn't contributing to the conversation, she'd be considering ways to get out of going over to our house tonight. I could also tell, judging by the way that she'd grimaced at the gift Alice had intended to give to her before, that she wouldn't be happy about any additional presents that would be coming her way later this evening. It wasn't the gift so much, but the money spent on them, on her.

I knew that she wasn't poor, nor wealthy. Her mother, Renée, had raised her on a kindergarten teacher's salary; and now living with Charlie, the police chief here in Forks, he wasn't raking in the money. She worked three days a week at the Newton's outdoor supplies store, and every penny she made went toward her college fund; though I realised that she never really intended to get as far as college, what with her ideas that I would turn her immortal.

We, the Cullens, had a lot of money. We didn't set out to be mind-bogglingly rich, but with a life that never ends, and a sister that can predict trends in the stock market, we'd managed to pick up quite a lot of money in the past 100 years or so between us. Enough so that we had a huge white mansion in the depths of the forest, and a garage that could house up to 7 or 8 cars at any one time. I knew all this money made Bella uncomfortable to an extent, she objected whenever I offered to pay her college tuition—which she would be attending—or buy her a car that cost even a dime more than her old truck, or even take her to an expensive restaurant in Seattle. I, for one, disagreed with this, if you've got money, why not spend it?

As the day went on, I thought it best not to mention tonight's coming events, and so did Alice.

When the bell went for lunch, we walked down to the cafeteria and settled at our usual table.

Bella, Alice and I sat at one end. I didn't disagree with this or think it unusual, I knew that people were intrigued, but somewhat frightened by us Cullens; but now that Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett had graduated—the somehow more intimidating members of the family—I had presumed that people would warm to Alice and I, but apparently not. Mike, Jessica, Angela, Ben and a few others sat at the opposite end of the table.

Whenever the day was particularly bright, though, Alice and I would be forced to skip school and Bella would be left to sit with them. I never particularly wished to leave Bella's side, especially not with Mike, Eric and Tyler lurking, but it was either that or expose my family's secret. And besides, if Bella was so determined to become immortal, she must intend to spend the rest of eternity with me, instead of leading a normal human life with one of them, right?

Once we were through with the afternoon's lessons, I walked Bella to her truck as usual. I held the passenger door open for her, expecting her to jump in.

If she wasn't so resistant to my gift I would know that she wasn't going to go along without some questioning. She folded her arms across her chest and didn't make any attempt to get out of the rain.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished," I said with a teasing smile stretched across my face.

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight . . ."

I could tell she wasn't going to give in. "All right." I shut the passenger door and walked past her to open the driver's side. "Happy birthday."

She shushed me, and climbed in the open door.

I played with the radio, while she drove, and shook my head in disapproval when the only sound that emitted was a long crackly groaning. "Your radio has horrible reception."

She frowned at me, I knew she didn't like it when I picked on her truck, she thought it had 'personality'. I thought it was a death trap, anybody that was willing to drive it clearly had a death wish.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car."

I was slightly taken aback by the sharp tone that her words came out with, she always seemed quite mellow when we were together. I soon realised she didn't mean the words the way she had said them; she must have been nervous about what Alice had in store for her. I pressed my lips tightly together to stop from smiling.

We parked up in front of Charlie's house, and I reached over and took her face in my hands.

I was extra careful to handle her softly, she was so very breakable; the teeniest bit of pressure and I could crush her. I pressed my fingertips softly against her temples, her cheekbones, and along her jawline. "You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she asked; her breathing was uneven, and I could hear her heart beat accelerating.

"Too bad." I leaned closer and pressed my lips against hers. This was intended to make her forget about tonight; I knew she would, though I still wasn't used to how one kiss from me could make her pass out.

We carried on this way, until she wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed back on my lips a little too eagerly.

My lips curved upwards into a smile as I reached back to unlock her arms from around my neck.

I always found it hard to resist when we kissed, but I knew if we did carry on, I would only end up killing her.

She could never understand how hard it was for me. How, if I let my control slip the slightest bit, my venom-coated teeth could get too close to her soft delicate skin, and she would be ruined.

She understood, though, to a certain point, and managed to maintain a fair bit of control on her side; knowing that it would be difficult for me, and that the blistering fire in my throat would persist to get hotter and stronger.

"Be good, please," I whispered, my cheek against hers, and I pressed my lips gently to hers one more time before I pulled away.

I could hear her pulse thudding, and she must have done too, for she said: "Do you think I'll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not," I smiled back at her and couldn't help feeling a bit smug.

As much as I didn't understand it, I couldn't help but _like_ hearing her heartbeat drumming hyperactively whenever we kissed.

She rolled her eyes at me, and poised her hand above the door handle, ready to climb out. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command."

I sprawled across the couch while she started the movie, fast-forwarding through the opening credits. When she was done, she perched on the edge of the sofa in front of me; I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against my chest.

Suddenly, I realised she would freeze to death—since I was as cold as an ice sculpture—so I pulled the old afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over her.

Bella watched the first few minutes in silence; I was easily distracted though, paying particular attention to Romeo. I didn't like his character much, or understand his motives really.

"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I commented.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" she asked. I figured my comment had offended her a little, she loved the story so much.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline—don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

I could answer that myself; though I didn't concentrate too much on my own happiness, Bella was already fulfilling that more than it deserved. I knew that if Romeo truly loved Juliet, then he wouldn't destroy Juliet's happiness by killing her cousin. Unless it was for her own good, I could never bring myself to do anything that would hurt Bella.

She sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." My fingers traced patterns across the skin on her arm, and goosebumps appeared where I touched. "Will you cry?"

"Probably," she admitted, "if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then." My lips moved across her hair.

I was astounded by outright human emotion. I couldn't cry, none of us could; not Esme, or Rosalie, or Alice.

As the movie went on, I began to whisper Romeo's lines in her ear, and I was entertained when she cried; when Juliet woke and found her new husband dead.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I said, using a lock of her hair to dry her tears.

"She's very pretty."

I let out a disgusted sound, she had assumed wrong at what I was getting at. "I don't envy him the girl—just the ease of the suicide. You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts . . ."

Bella gasped. "What?"

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning . . . after he realized what he'd become . . ." I snapped out of serious mode. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."

Bella twisted in my arms and turned to watch my face. "What are you talking about? What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were . . . nearly killed . . ." I paused to take a deep, unnecessary breath, and struggled to return the teasing tone to my voice. I wanted to make it seem easy for me to explain this, though really, it was tearing me up inside to re-tell what was going through my mind when all this had happened. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for humans."

I thought back to the events of last spring. I was racing to save Bella in Phoenix, while she was trapped in the dark ballet studio, where James was going to kill her. But I had made it in time, along with my family, who had dealt with James while Carlisle saw to Bella—while I saw to Bella.

She had been bitten by James, and it was up to me to rid her of the venom. To sink my teeth into her skin and suck the venom out—to resist the temptation of sucking out her blood. I'd almost killed her, I couldn't stop. Once I'd tasted her succulent blood, I was in heaven. It was the one thing that had been on my mind constantly since the first time I'd set eyes on her. It was impossible to count the amount of times I'd imagined what it would be like to kill her, to drain her lifeless body of the blood I longed for. I knew I had to stop, to save the life of the girl I loved, but I couldn't.

Eventually, I found the will and gave up. I had to let her live, if she didn't live then how could I? I couldn't, I would go to Italy, to the Volturi, and die.


	3. Chapter 3 Birthday Gifts

Disclaimer: Both the characters and the story line do not belong to me.

**Previously:**_ Once I'd tasted her succulent blood, I was in heaven. It was the one thing that had been on my mind constantly since the first time I'd set eyes on her. It was impossible to count the amount of times I'd imagined what it would be like to kill her, to drain her lifeless body of the blood I longed for. I knew I had to stop, to save the life of the girl I loved, but I couldn't. _

_Eventually, I found the will and gave up. I had to let her live, if she didn't live then how could I? I couldn't, I would go to Italy, to the Volturi, and die.  
_

Bella shook her head, she must have been remembering the scene of events, just as I had.

"Contingency plans?" she repeated.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you. Remember? _If you should ever leave me, well life would still go on, believe me. The world would show nothing to me, so what good would living do me?_" I quoted, rolling my eyes as if it were obvious—it _was_ obvious to me—still trying to keep the conversation light, without getting into the depths of the matter. "But I wasn't sure how to do it—I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help . . . so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

I stared into the distance, focused. Bella was suddenly furious.

"What is a Volturi?" she demanded, her face screwed up in adorable perplexity.

"The Volturi are a family, a very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America—do you remember the story?"

"Of course I remember."

I thought back to the first time I'd taken Bella to meet my family, to the big white mansion that was our home.

In Carlisle's office, I'd showed her the paintings that illustrated his personal history. The largest canvas there was from Carlisle's time in Italy. On the top balcony of the scene, overlooking the swirling mayhem of colour below, was a quartet of men, one of them being Carlisle; the other three, I pointed out to Bella, were Aro, Caius and Marcus, 'nighttime patrons of the arts'.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," I carried on, not wanting to think about the three intimidating vampires any more than I had to. "Not unless you want to die—or whatever it is we do."

I looked at Bella, her anger turned to horror. She took my face in her hands and held it tightly—which wasn't all that tightly from my perspective.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point," I replied almost instantly, shrugging my shoulders as I spoke.

"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault? How dare you even think like that?"

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I inquired.

"That's not the same thing," she answered back, avoiding my gaze.

I chuckled.

"What if something did happen to you?" She turned the question back to me. "Would you want me to go _off_ myself?"

I winced at her question. If anything did ever happen to me, I would want her to carry on as normal, forget about me, and not hurt; though she was so fragile . . .

"I guess I see your point . . . a little," I admitted. "But what would I do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

I sighed. Anything I did before I met Bella—as sharp as my vision was—blended into one, big, blur. I couldn't go back to what I was doing, because I wasn't entirely sure I even remembered.

"You make that sound so easy," I breathed, shaking my head slightly.

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."

I considered arguing back, then realised she would never admit to what I refrained from having said.

"Moot point," I reminded her.

My hearing picked up on a growling engine approaching.

Abruptly, I pulled us both up into sitting positions, so that we were no longer touching.

"Charlie?" She'd guessed correctly; I smiled.

A moment passed, and the familiar sound of the police cruiser cut off as Charlie parked in the driveway.

Bella reached out and took my hand, a split second before Charlie came through the door with a pizza box.

"Hey kids," he said, flashing a grin at Bella, "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure." Bella accepted the pizza with a smile. "Thanks, Dad."

I passed on the pizza, just as I always did when mealtimes came at Charlie's house, though he never commented on my lack of appetite. I'd always insisted that Esme would have my dinner waiting on the table when I returned home. But, of course, human food held no interest to me, or any of my family for that matter. We quenched our insatiable thirst with animal blood.

Once they had finished eating, I decided now was better than ever to inquire about Bella's activities tonight.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I asked, expectant.

Of course, I knew before he told me that he didn't mind.

"That's fine—the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight, so I won't be any kind of company . . . here."

He tossed the camera to Bella, his gift to her. Naturally, she didn't quite catch it, so I used my absurdly fast reflexes and quickly snagged it before any harm could be done.

"Nice save," he commented."If they're doing something fun at the Cullen's tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets—she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea, Charlie," I said, handing Bella the camera. She quickly turned the lens on me and snapped the first picture.

"It works," she exclaimed, raising her eyebrows slightly, her tone of voice showed no traces of enthusiasm.

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while."

"It's been three days, Dad," Bella reminded him.

Charlie seemed to show a keen interest in Alice, especially since she'd been there constantly helping Bella to shower and dress when she'd returned from the hospital in Phoenix. Obviously, Charlie would not want to be involved.

"I'll tell her."  
"Okay, you kids have fun tonight."

I smiled, and gently took Bella's hand, heading towards the door. When we got to the truck, I opened the passenger door for her and this time she didn't argue. I knew she found it hard to find the secretive turning to the driveway, leading up to our house along the deserted, winding road—especially in the dark.

I drove north through Forks. I disliked driving the truck, since I had a thing about speed—we all did really—and the truck didn't. It groaned as I eased the pedal down and pushed the speedometer over fifty.

"Take it easy," she warned me. I seized the opportunity to do a spot of light persuading.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power . . ."

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," I said, keeping my eyes focused on the road, but a low chuckle escaped from between my lips. Of course, I'd gotten her a present . . . it just so happened, though, that it was completely invaluable . . .

"Good."

"Can you do me a favour?" I asked.

"That depends on what it is."

I sighed. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

She looked a little startled at first, but then succumbed to my plead.

"Fine, I'll behave."

"I probably should warn you . . ."

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited . . . I do mean all of them." I wasn't too sure whether this one would go down well, I knew Rosalie made Bella nervous—she didn't exactly show any courtesy to her.

"Everyone?" she choked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here."

"But . . . Rosalie?"

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behaviour."

She didn't reply to my assurance, but I knew in her head she'd be worrying. I thought it best to change the subject before the worry increased.

"So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?" I didn't consider one of the possible answers that she could come out with.

"You know what I want."

I frowned, deeply. Maybe it wasn't best to change the subject from Rosalie. I'd rather her be worrying about my deceptive sister than her asking me for something I didn't want to give her. Or couldn't give her, well, not without killing her in the process, I was quite sure.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please."

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."

A deep growl emanated from my mouth. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I promised.

Her expression changed from knowing to outraged in a split second.

"That's not fair!"

We'd reached the end of the driveway and the house came into view. Alice had hung a line of glowing Japanese lanterns from the porch eaves and big bowls of pink roses lined the wide stairs up to the front doors.

Bella let out a moan, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

"This is a party," I reminded her. "Try to be a good sport."

"Sure."

I walked round to the passenger door, opened it and took her hand.

"I have a question."

I thought this conversation had ended, but clearly not. I waited cautiously.

"If I develop this film . . . will you show up in the picture?"

My laughter echoed in the wide, open space, relief an obvious emotion in my tone. That was a question I was not anticipating. I helped her out of the car and led her up the stairs, still laughing at the unexpected question. Everybody was waiting in the living room as we entered.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" my family roared, Emmett's booming voice the loudest of them all.

Bella blushed a deep pink and averted her gaze towards the floor. Alice had covered every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of roses. There was a table next to the piano, that held a pink birthday cake—courtesy of Esme—more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents. I could tell already that she wasn't enjoying this. I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head, taking a deep breath and inhaling her luscious scent as I did so.

Carlisle and Esme stood closest to us. Esme hugged Bella and kissed her forehead, while Carlisle put an apologetic arm around her shoulders.

"Sorry about this, Bella," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in."

Rosalie and Emmett stood behind them. Rosalie had a blank expression on her face—at least she was being civilised and not scowling, like her usual self. Emmett was grinning, he thought of Bella as his little, fragile sister that needed protection from her big, strong brother, and he loved playing that part.

"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said, with a hint of disappointment in his voice. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett." She blushed deeper.

Emmett let out a chuckle. "I have to step out for a second, don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try."

Alice, who had been stood by the stairs with Jasper, let go of his hand and skipped towards us. Jazz smiled at Bella, but knew to keep his distance.

He didn't have quite as much experience as the rest of us yet, one slight thing and his control would be lost, so he tried to keep away from Bella, to avoid the scent as much as was possible.

"Time to open presents," Alice declared, leading Bella toward the table holding the cake and presents.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything—"

"But I didn't listen," she interrupted. "Open it."

Everybody watched in anticipation as she read the tag—which informed that it was from Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper—and then tore the paper off. She uncovered a box, which she then stared at blankly. After a few seconds, she opened the box, which was empty.

"Um . . . thanks."

Rosalie smiled broadly, then used her hand to cover her mouth. Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck, Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

I admired how Alice had thought ahead—or rather seen ahead—and found a way around Bella stubbornness.

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie." She grinned as she said it. I knew she'd be remembering my comments about her radio earlier in the afternoon, which I'd said as a setup. "Thanks, Emmett!" she called more loudly.

We all heard his laugh, drifting through the open door from her truck outside.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said, holding a small, flat square that was our gift to Bella in her hands. She was clearly getting excited now, the build up was killing her.

Bella turned and glared at me.

"You promised."

Before I could answer, Emmett bounded through the door.

"Just in time!" He pushed in behind Jasper, who had ambled forward—closer than usual—from the stairs to get a good look.

"I didn't spend a dime," I reassured her. I brushed a tendril of soft, brown hair from her face gently.

She turned to Alice. "Give it to me."

Emmett chuckled.

She took the package, rolling her eyes at me as she stuck her finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.

"Shoot," she muttered. The paper sliced her finger. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.

In that split second a lot of things happened. I was suddenly aware of Jasper's thoughts. At the sight and smell of Bella's spilt blood, his control had slipped—he was going to pounce.

"No!" I roared, and threw myself at Bella, flinging her back across the table. The cake, presents, flowers and plates scattered, and the table collapsed beneath our weight. We fell, and crashed on to the floor, I landed on top of Bella, and she in the mess of shattered crystal.

Jasper slammed into me and there was a deafening crash, like boulders in a rock slide. A deep, grisly, snarl was coming from Jasper, he tried to shove past me but I fought him off, until Emmett grabbed him from behind. Jasper continued to battle against Emmett's steel grip, his wild but empty eyes focused on Bella.

The realisation struck me like a bolt of lightning—Bella must have gotten hurt, she'd fallen into the glass—and deep red blood was now pulsing out of her arm.


	4. Chapter 4 Right Or Wrong

**Disclaimer:** Both the characters and story line do not belong to me.

**Author's Note:** Really sorry for not updating this a long time ago! I've been far too busy, but I'm gonna stop making excuses now and start updating this every week! Enjoy!

_Previously: __The realisation struck me like a bolt of lightning—Bella must have gotten hurt, she'd fallen into the glass—and deep red blood was now pulsing out of her arm_.

Carlisle was the only calm one out of the seven of us. Even Esme wasn't her usual self.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

Emmett, his grin wiped clean off his blank face, nodded. "Come on, Jasper."

He struggled in Emmett's arms, reaching towards him, baring his teeth.

I let out a low warning growl, holding my defensive crouch over Bella. I'd stopped breathing in that split second before it all happened.

Rosalie, looking slightly smug, for reasons beyond my understanding—I particularly strayed away from her thoughts— stepped in front of Jasper, although keeping her distance from his teeth, and helped Emmett wrestle him through the glass door. Esme held the door open, allowing the procession to pass through, one hand pressed over her mouth and nose.

She looked distinctly ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Bella," she said, her voice dripping with apology, and followed the others into the yard.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured to me.

I paused, then nodded slowly and relaxed a little. Carlisle knelt beside Bella, leaning towards her arm.

Alice came forward with a towel. "Here, Carlisle."

He shook his head.

"Too much glass in the wound."

He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth; twisting it around her arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet.

I could tell by the expression that she was wearing on her paler than usual face, that the smell of the blood was affecting her in a bad way. It was affecting us all in a bad way, but not in the same way her. Bella hated the sight or smell of blood, it made her faint and sick. If we were normal—or the Volturi's opinion of normal—vampires then we would love the smell of human blood. And we did—but we went against the Volturi's idea of a normal vampire, and we resisted it. As much as we resisted though, the smell still got to us, we still craved it, and it was the cravings that drove Jasper to lunge for Bella, to lust for her blood. I wasn't angry at him, I knew _he_ didn't want to kill her, just the vampire side of him—we all did, when we were in the wrong state of mind.

"Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?" Carlisle asked her, his voice unsurprisingly calm.

"Here, please," she whispered.

She would be thinking about keeping this from Charlie, and there was no chance of that if we took her to the hospital.

"I'll get your bag," Alice said, and then took off for the stairs, her solid form de-materializing into a slight blur.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle said to me.

I lifted her, while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on her arm.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm fine." Her face was shaky, all over the place. I was careful not to change my vacant expression.

Alice was waiting by the kitchen table; Carlisle's black first aid bag was on the table, with the desk light plugged into the wall. I sat her gently into a chair, and Carlisle pulled up another. I stood over her, still being careful not to breathe, as Carlisle started to work.

"Just go, Edward," Bella mumbled, almost incoherently.

"I can handle it," I insisted. My throat was on fire, I hadn't hunted in but a few days, so I wasn't that thirsty—but this was Bella's blood, the blood I craved the most.

"You don't need to be a hero, Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air." Bella winced in pain.

"I'll stay."

"Why are you so masochistic?" she mumbled.

Carlisle decided to intercede. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

"Yes, go find Jasper," Bella agreed.

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added.

So now they were ganging up on me. I narrowed my eyes, though I knew Jasper needed me. I nodded and sprinted through the back door.

Rosalie, Emmett and Esme stood in the dimly lit garden that led into the forest. Esme looked terrified, Emmett worried, and Rosalie's face was blank, once again, without an expression. I deliberately tried to drown out the buzz of thoughts in my head.

"Where is he?"

"Just in the forest, he's really disappointed in himself," Emmett replied, knowing exactly who I was implying.

I didn't bother to respond. I shot off towards the forest, jumping the river as I went. It didn't take me long to find him, his trail was freshly laid. When I arrived, he was crouched low on a rock, shoulders slumped, his back to me.

"Hey, Jazz," I said cautiously.

He didn't reply, instead he turned his body to face me, and sat down on the rock.

"I'm not mad at you," I reassured him. "I know it wasn't you acting back there."

"I'm really sorry Edward. I don't know what came over me, I just couldn't resist the temptation any longer, my throat was burning like it was on fire, I—"

I interrupted.

"Jazz, it's okay, I know how your feeling. Honestly, don't worry about it, Bella's fine, she's just got a cut up her arm from the glass. Carlisle's fixing her up now." My voice broke as I choked over Bella's name. "Everyone's worried about you."

"I don't deserve it," he quickly replied. "I was doing so good, as well! I hate this, knowing that Alice is constantly watching for my future, to see if I'm going to slip up. And you, always closely monitoring my thoughts for any signs. I can't take it anymore. Why am I not strong enough to resist?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Jazz. Honestly, at least you didn't hurt her. I'm the one responsible for that . . ." My words trailed off, I was too caught up in the pain to continue.

"If she wouldn't have been hurt by you protecting her though . . . if you didn't jump between us . . . then Carlisle wouldn't be patching her up in there . . . and I wouldn't be sat out here, thirsty . . . and you wouldn't be talking to me right now. And Bella would be dead."

"That is true. But you're okay, Bella's okay . . . _everybody_ is okay. This little incident doesn't count as a 'slip-up'. You're still a vegetarian, Jasper."

I pulled the corners of my mouth up, unwillingly. It felt strange to be comforting him, when I was hurting so extremely myself.

"Edward. I'm really, truly sorry. And I will be forever more."

"Jasper, please, just leave it for now."

The conversation came to an end, and Jasper looked thoughtful. I, once again, steered clear away from his thoughts. I had more than enough of my own to contemplate.

"Want to head back up to the house?"

He considered it in his head for a moment.

"Yeah." He stood up from the rock he was perched on.

We raced back to the house, until we reached the garden.

Emmett and Rosalie were still outside, accompanied now by Alice, while Esme was cleaning up the mess by the piano inside.

I left Jasper with them and continued on to where Bella was.

I caught the end of Carlisle's conversation with Bella.

"I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward. I suppose I should take you home now."

"I'll do that," I said, coming through the doorway from the dining room, my voice sounding darker than I intended. I checked through Carlisle's current thoughts; they had been talking about when Carlisle had been caring for me and my mother in a Chicagoan hospital in 1918. My mother had passed away, but not before asking Carlisle to do everything in his power to save me. And he had. It amazed me how he actually possessed those powers; the restraint that was necessary.

"Carlisle can take me." Bella glanced down at her shirt, which was soaked with blood and thick with frosting from the cake she'd crashed into earlier.

"I'm fine. You'll need to change anyway, you'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." I strode out the kitchen door, heading to the garden where Alice was.

"Alice."

She turned round, seeming to have been deep in conversation with Jasper and Rosalie, clutching Jasper's hand.

"Could you get Bella a shirt to change into?"

They were all watching me, their eyes questioning. I steered away from their thoughts once again, especially Rosalie's. She wouldn't care about Bella and I could do without ripping her throat out tonight.

"Sure," Alice said, quick to turn her questioning expression into a smile. She kissed Jasper on the cheek, and led the way back to the kitchen.

We didn't have to go any further than the dining room though. Alice hurried to Bella's side, I hung back. Bella was gazing at me, studying my face for some sign of emotion. I watched her in my peripheral vision, pretending to be watching the television that Emmett had turned on, though the blurring images held no interest for me.

"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear." Bella followed Alice's swift movements awkwardly up the staircase.

I walked slowly, too slowly, towards the front door, and waited beside the staircase.

I didn't know what I should be feeling. Too many thoughts and ideas were running through my head but not making any sense. One idea in particular stood out from the rest, one of the four possibilities.

Bella wouldn't understand my reasoning, she thought it was all down to her, the 'bad luck'. I knew it wasn't bad luck. It was me, I wasn't good for her. All I would do is continue to hurt her. My idea began to appeal to me more increasingly.

Bella started slowly down the stairs now, with a blue shirt on of Esme's that looked beautiful next to her ivory complexion. She knew I liked blue on her the best.

As she reached the bottom of the staircase, I held the front door open for her.

"Take your things!" Alice cried, dashing past us both to the table where her presents lay. She scooped up the camera, and the half-opened package and passed them to Bella. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Esme and Carlisle both came in to say goodnight, and as subtle as they'd intended them to be, I noticed them both stealing quick glances at me.

We went outside and hurried towards her truck. I held the passenger door open for her and for once she accepted without a complaint.

Emmett had put a big red ribbon round the new stereo, which Bella—thinking I wouldn't see—quickly pulled it off and kicked it under her seat.

I started the car and sped off, shooting down the twisting, foggy lanes, too fast for Bella's liking.

"Say something."

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, my voice coming out sounding detached and distant.

"Tell me you forgive me."

My face sparked to life, and my insides flipped.

"Forgive _you_? For what?"

She couldn't be serious, tonight's events were anything _but_ her fault.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened." She was watching my face closely.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut—that hardly deserves a death penalty."

"It's still my fault."

I decided that was enough. "Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own—without someone throwing you into them—even then what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up—and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?"

It didn't work to the effect I intended it to.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton, I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous," she said, in an almost child-like manner.

I didn't answer, just stared through the wind-shield, unnecessarily focusing on the road.

When we finally reached her house, I killed the engine. But my hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel.

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked me, her eyes fixated on my face.

"I should go home."

"For my birthday."

"You can't have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." My voice was stern, but not as harsh as before. My thoughts were whirring frantically, screaming inside my head. I seemed to be hiding my hysteria well, underneath the façade.

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

She hopped out the truck, reaching in for the packages. I frowned.

"You don't have to take those." I knew she'd return them when she got a chance, she was too fickle and modest to accept them.

"I want them."

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live." She took the presents and slammed the door. I was out of my seat and round to her in less than a second.

"Let me carry them, at least. I'll be in your room."

She smiled at me, though there were no signs of happiness present in her eyes. "Thanks."

"Happy birthday." I sighed, but leaned down to touch my lips to hers. She reached up on her toes to lengthen the kiss, when I pulled away. I smiled, then headed away towards her window, and watched her go inside.

I leaped, and made the window in one. Once in her room, I sat on the bed and waited. I listened to the conversation her and Charlie were making, then once that had ended, she climbed the stairs and proceeded into the bathroom to get changed. It was a matter of minutes before she entered her bedroom, in a matching tank top and cotton pants.

"Hi," I said, my voice still sounding apathetic no matter how hard I tried to conceal it.

She came towards me and climbed into my lap. "Hi, can I open my presents now?"

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" I wondered aloud.

"You made me curious." She picked up the present from Carlisle and Esme.

"Allow me." I took the gift from her and tore the silver paper off.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she muttered.

I ignored her.

She took the long piece of paper from the box and studied it for a few seconds.

"We're going to Jacksonville?"

Carlisle and Esme thought it would be nice if Bella and I were to visit Renée in Jacksonville, Florida.

"That's the idea."

"I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

Of course, I had considered this. "I think I can handle it."

I frowned, I wasn't exactly expecting this reaction. I had in mind more of a: "No, no, take it back, I can't possibly accept this!".

"If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

I chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

She put the tickets down and reached for the final present, off me. I took it from her and unwrapped it, like the first one. It was a CD case, with a blank silver CD inside.

"What is it?"

I didn't respond. Instead, I took the CD and put it in to the CD player on her bedside table. I pressed play and waited, watching her listen. After a few seconds, tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked. An unquantifiable dose of anxiety leaking into my voice.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

I'd played her lullaby, and put it on a disc for her, along with a few other compositions of mine. Although, I did have another, more extreme idea before this one.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I said, revealing my first thoughts.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?" I inquired.

"Just fine."

The small crease in between her eyebrows informed me of her lie. "I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," she protested, but I slid her off my lap and headed for the door.

"Charlie," she hissed.

Charlie obviously was not aware that I spent my nights in Bella's room quite frequently, but he would never see me slip into the bathroom and back.

"He won't catch me," I promised, and I disappeared through the door, into the bathroom where I grabbed the Tylenol and a glass of water, and back again. I was sat on her bed before the door had swung shut. I handed her the pills and she took them without an argument.

"It's late," I noted, scooping her up and laying her down under the cover. Then, I lay down next to her—on top of the quilt to stop her from feeling the cold radiating from my body. She leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed sleepily.

"Thanks again."  
"Your welcome."

It was silent for a moment, except for her lullaby still playing on the CD player.

I couldn't help but feel a little guilty, but she was happy now, and the idea I'd had before by the staircase could wait for a while. I pushed it eagerly away, into a dark corner of my mind.

"What are you thinking about?" she whispered.

I hesitated for a second. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually." I was anything but ardent to tell her what I was thinking, so I decided to keep it general. Who knows how she would react?

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not _ignore my birthday?"

It was obvious that she was trying to distract me from my thoughts.

"Yes?"  
"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

The distraction was working. "You're greedy tonight."

"Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do."

_Like I didn't want to_, I pondered and laughed.

"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do." I put my hand under her chin and pulled her face up to mine.

We kissed. I was careful to keep a strong sense of control, not letting go. I could never fully relax when I was with Bella. If I did, who knows what would happen? I knew perfectly well.

Our kiss became more urgent, my hand twisted into her hair while the other held her face securely to mine. I let myself relax, my mind let go.

Her hands were twisting in my hair as well, and this was crossing the line we hadn't crossed before, but I didn't pull back. We were crushing ourselves against each other, despite the thin quilt separating us.

I forced a sudden wave of control, that halted my actions. I pushed her away. She collapsed back onto her pillow, gasping. I was more aware than ever of her poor, human heart, beating away aggressively.

"Sorry, that was out of line." I found myself out of breath also, although I didn't technically need it.

"_I _don't mind," she panted.

I frowned back at her. "Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" she questioned.

"It's a tie." I couldn't help myself from grinning. She would never understand how truly irresistible she was to me—and not just because of my vampire instincts, lusting for her blood—everything about her made me fall harder. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," she snuggled in closer to me, pressing her injured arm against my ice-cold shoulder. I knew this was to relieve the pain, but I didn't let on, I wanted her to unwind.

I watched her drift away into dreamland, and all through the night. She slept soundly, no doubt exhausted by the day's events.


	5. Chapter 5 Decisions

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters and storylines!

**Author's note**: Yay I actually updated it on time for once! Enjoy and review please!

_Previously: She would never understand how truly irresistible she was to me—and not just because of my vampire instincts, lusting for her blood—everything about her made me fall harder. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"_

"_Fine," she snuggled in closer to me, pressing her injured arm against my ice-cold shoulder. I knew this was to relieve the pain, but I didn't let on, I wanted her to unwind. _

_I watched her drift away into dreamland, and all through the night. She slept soundly, no doubt exhausted by the day's events. _

I didn't take my eyes off of her until the morning came, kissing her forehead and ducking quickly out of the window. There was a light thud as I landed on the grass, and immediately set out home.

Carlisle and Esme weren't concerned about me spending my nights with Bella, they knew I hadn't even dreamt of trying to exercise the amount of control it would take to get up to anything in particular with her. I was at the front door of the house in a matter of minutes.

"Oh, hey, Alice."

She must have seen me coming, for she was already waiting by the staircase, opposite the front door.

"Hello, how is she?"

"She's fine," I muttered.

I still hadn't relaxed completely, despite being away from her for at least 5 minutes.

It was then that I realised, I couldn't relax with _or_ without her. With her, I had to be one hundred percent in control, one hundred percent of the time. Without her, I was worrying, panicking, what if she tripped and hurt herself? We all knew Bella was accident prone, the amount of times she'd landed herself in the hospital, Carlisle stitching her back together.

I thought back to the first time, when I'd saved her from being crushed between Tyler's van and her truck, before she knew our secret. She knew I'd been halfway across the parking lot, and questioned me intently about it, about how I'd gotten to her just in time. She soon figured it out, though. If only she hadn't, and had kept her distance from me . . .

I walked past Alice, into the vast white living room, where the entire back wall was made of glass, looking out into the forest.

I closed my eyes, and breathed in a deep lungful of air, and let it all out again in one prolonged sigh.

"Carlisle, Esme, everyone?"

A split second after I'd said it, the room was crowded. Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme all watched me, instantaneously curious. I waited, working up some form of courage to say the words that would end everything. Also, to make sure that I was certain; was I really going to do this? My thoughts slowed, and an answer came to the forefront of my mind. Yes.

"We have to leave."

I'd spent the entire night watching Bella, and thinking once again, about 'right and wrong', and this was wrong. I had to be with her, but I shouldn't. She would only end up in more situations like last night—but I couldn't always guarantee that I would be able to protect her—what if it was me lunging at her?

If I'd only resisted her back when she'd first started in Forks, and didn't give in, then her life wouldn't be at risk.

All six members of my family stared back, wide-eyed.

"Edward, you can't be serious, this is—" Emmett began with a nervous laugh.

I interrupted. "It's what's right for Bella. Please, just go with me on this."

"Edward. Are you sure it's what's best for her?" Carlisle asked, with a questioning expression on his face.

"Carlisle, I know." I knew that at first it might not be what was best for her, but in the long run, she would benefit from my departure more than she could imagine. I was giving her her life back, the chance of a long, happy life without me . . . _without me_. "As much as it's killing me to do this, it'll kill her first," I answered, half to Carlisle and half to myself.

"Well, if it's what you think is right. . ."

"Trust me." My words rang with finality.

A silence settled in the room, but the familiar hum of thoughts in my head got louder, and faster. I could taste a mixture of different emotions: disbelief, anger, confusion. I searched closer, more intently, for singular thoughts.

_Is he _serious_?_

_What is he _doing_?_

How _can he do this to Bella?_

_How can he do this to _himself?

After a moment, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Esme dispersed, heading up the stairs.

"They're going to pack," Alice foresaw. Her little pixie face was empty; her usual enthusiastic expression had long since left.

I didn't bother to respond. I felt cold on the inside, as well as outside. My already still heart seemed non-existant.

I decided now was better than ever to get out, before the questioning began.

I drove to school alone, down the deserted, winding roads, trying desperately not to think about what I was doing, not to think about anything. My mind was blank, except for a recurring feature— Bella.

It felt odd to be heading to see her after I had made the decision to leave her.

I parked up once at school, and headed towards the rusty burnt-orange truck, where she was still sat inside. I opened the door for her and tried to snap out of my trance-like state.

"How do you feel?"

"Perfect," she lied. We walked in silence, me shortening my stride to keep pace, as always.

The morning passed in a blur, I couldn't seem to tell one class from another. The only thing in focus was Bella. We headed to lunch and sat at our usual table, on the end, as usual.

"Where's Alice?" She looked anxious. I glanced down at the granola bar I was slowly pulverizing between my fingertips.

"She's with Jasper."

I'd read Alice's thoughts, and Jasper's, before I'd left for school. Alice had wanted to stay home and organise things with Esme, and had then agreed to go hunting with Jasper afterwards.

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while."

"What? Where?" Her face went from anxious to almost alarmed.

I shrugged. "Nowhere in particular." I didn't want to make my lies too elaborate.

"And Alice, too," she said, with a hint of desperation.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."

Denali was where Tanya and her family lived, the other coven of vampires that lived off animal blood, just like us. I'd escaped there last winter, when I couldn't handle what was happening when Bella first arrived.

She slumped her shoulders.

"Is your arm bothering you?"

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she murmured. I thought it best not to answer.

By the time the bell went at the end of last period, my mind was still just as blank as before when I'd left for school. I walked with her, silently, to her truck.

"You'll come over later tonight?"

I was puzzled. "Later?"

She looked almost pleased by my bewilderment.

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh."

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

"If you want me to."

"I always want you."

"All right, then." I kissed her forehead, shut the driver's door, and headed in the direction of my car.

The drive home was short, and like everything else at the moment, forgettable.

I took my time walking up to the front door. I knew everything wouldn't be the same inside, after this morning's declaration. Everything would change now, I would change; the scene would change; the characters would change. It wasn't what I wanted. I felt that Act 1, at least, wasn't finished yet. But it was what was best. It was what Bella needed.

I shut the door behind me and continued on to the kitchen. The house was just the same, the furniture still in place. This wasn't an ordinary move. We would simply just up and leave, but not without inventing an elaborate story to cover our backs.

I was dreading what would come before then, the goodbye. I felt like we'd hardly said hello. Six months was such a short time, for me anyway, for us. Time is invaluable when your life is infinite.

I took a seat at the piano and began to play. I decided to be the entertainer, while everyone around me flitted about.

I played Esme's favourite, as she passed to and from the living room. After a few more of my own compositions, I moved on to my favourite, Debussy's masterpiece, Claire de lune, Bella's lullaby.

I loved everything Bella loved about the piece. The peaceful melody, the build-up throughout the middle, then the soft tinkling keys.

I shut my eyes while I played, and pictured Bella the previous night, tears spilling over her lids, listening. I knew that she was safe there, wrapped in my arms.

What a dramatic change this would be. A clean break. True, it was what would be right, what was best—but I would have no way of knowing that she was safe, alive.

Although Alice could certainly be of some help in that area, it put my mind to rest if I was there beside her, seeing her with my own eyes.

The hours passed, until I decided to head back to Charlie's house. I wanted to be there when she arrived home. I wanted to be in Charlie's good books, though, for definite, so a little male bonding wouldn't do any harm.

We were watching ESPN's SportsCenter when I heard her truck pull up in the driveway.

"Dad? Edward?"

"In here," Charlie called.

"Hi," she said in a timid voice.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie answered, his eyes not shifting from the television. "We just had cold pizza, I think it's still on the table."

"Okay." She lingered in the doorway, I looked over and smiled at her politely.

"I'll be right behind you." I trained my eyes back to the TV, not really processing what was happening on the screen.

She walked into the kitchen and stayed there for a minute or two, before heading up the stairs. I stayed put where I was.

A few moments later, I heard her footsteps coming back down the stairs. I could hear her heart, beating abnormally faster than was usual, and realised why when she peeked around the corner and snapped a picture of Charlie.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.

"Oh, come on. You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled.

"Because you're so handsome. And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

Throughout this conversation I kept still, my head turned in the direction of the TV.

"Hey, Edward. Take one of me and my dad together." She threw the camera toward me and I caught it. She knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Charlie's face was.

"You need to smile, Bella," I reminded her. She did, and I clicked the shutter.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested. I tossed him the camera.

She came and stood beside me. I put one hand lightly on her shoulder, while she wrapped her arm around my waist awkwardly.

"Smile, Bella." I was forced to blink when the flash went off.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie decided, "You don't have to use the whole roll now." I dropped my hand from her shoulder and twisted casually out of her arm. I sat back down in the armchair. Bella went and sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa.

Once the show had ended, I stood.

"I'd better get home."

"See ya," Charlie said, without looking up. Bella got up from the floor. She followed me out of the front door as I climbed into the Volvo.

"Will you stay?"

"Not tonight."

She didn't ask for a reason.

I drove away, but watched her in my wing mirror. She stayed where she was, despite the rain. I kept my gaze focused on her dripping silhouette until she disappeared from view.


	6. Chapter 6 Goodbye

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters and storylines.**

_Previously: "Will you stay?"_

"_Not tonight." _

_She didn't ask for a reason._

_I drove away, but watched her in my wing mirror. She stayed where she was, despite the rain. I kept my gaze focused on her dripping silhouette until she disappeared from view._

Today was just like yesterday. We were silent the majority of the time, but Bella seemed more distracted than usual.

In English, she didn't realise Mr. Berty was asking her a question until I whispered the answer in her ear.

All through lunch we stayed silent at our end of the table, with each other anyway.

"Hey, Jess?"

"What's up, Bella?"

"Could you do me a favour? My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody okay?" She handed the camera to Jess.

"Sure." She watched them as they passed it round the table, slowly filling up the film.

Eventually, Jess spoke, interrupting our intimate silence. "Uh-oh, I think we used all your film," she said, her face portraying an expression of apology.

"That's okay, I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed."

The afternoon passed just like the morning did, and after school I walked Bella to the parking lot, in silence once again. She had to work, so I got in the Volvo and headed home.

Once inside, I walked, at human speed, up the two flights of stairs and down to the end of the corridor, where my room was.

I didn't feel like talking to any of them, even though they were my family. I sat down on the sofa I'd put in there and looked out the window.

They would be leaving tonight, and I would stay behind to say goodbye to Bella, then I would set off and . . . and what? What would I do with myself? My thoughts were racing, I was trying to search for something, anything to take my mind off this . . .

There was a knock on the door.

"Edward?" Jasper opened the door slightly and slipped in the room. "I know how you're feeling."

Obviously not because he'd been in this situation before, but because he could read people's emotions, and change them. I suddenly felt a whole lot calmer.

"Thanks, Jazz."

"By the way, Carlisle got a job at a hospital in L.A," he said, and winked at me.

So that was the story. Of course, Bella would never buy that—what with her knowing our secret and the fact that it's far too sunny for our diamond glistening skin—but it would do for everybody else.

"Oh, that's a good one," I replied, with no trace of enthusiasm in my voice.

"Yeah, so, you want to come downstairs?" He was trying his hardest to make me calm and relaxed, but too much was happening in my head, too many thoughts were being processed.

"Er, sure." I stood up and walked with him down the stairs.

As we descended the stairs, I spotted Rosalie and Emmett sat on one of the large sofas, coats on, hardly moving.

Alice came in the front door and skipped toward Jasper. I continued on to the kitchen.

"Edward!" Esme flew at me and wrapped me in a hug. I folded my arms around her, loosely.

"Hi, listen I'm gonna go out in the g—" At that moment, Carlisle entered the room.

"Edward, can we talk a minute?"

Esme abruptly let go of me and walked through to the living room to join everyone else—not before sharing a knowing glance with Carlisle, though.

"One last time, are you entirely, positively sure that this is what you want?" His eyes bored into me, searching my face for signs of doubt.

"No, because this isn't what I want. I hate this, utterly and completely. But I know I've got to do it. It's what Bella needs. I won't let myself get any farther into this, I won't let her die." Carlisle watched me closely.

"I understand." And I knew he probably did. He would be the only one that did. I turned and headed for the door that led to the living room.

"Everyone." Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and Esme twisted their heads to look at me. "Thank you for this. For willing to just up and leave because I asked you to, without questioning me." Carlisle came up behind me and patted me on the shoulder.

"It's okay, Edward, we're family, we don't need reasons."

They didn't, but he already had the reasons.

"It's time to go." I hadn't heard Rosalie speak since Bella's birthday.

Everybody started heading towards the back door.

Once everybody had assembled, in a line, Carlisle stepped forward and grasped me tight in a hug. "Well done, son." He let go.

Esme, once again, flung herself at me and squeezed me tight. She wore a sorrowful expression on her beautiful, heart-shaped face. If vampires could, she would be crying now.

Jasper stepped forward, gave me a meaningful look and put one hand on my shoulder. "So, goodbye?"

I shook my head, "Just 'see you later'." He nodded in response.

Alice came up and wrapped her arms around me, I returned the hug. "See you later," she added, with a smile.

Next was Emmett, still wearing his grin, but looking a little sheepish for a man of his build. He grabbed my hand and shook it hard, then took a step back.

Finally, Rosalie, came toward me—a little hesitant at first—but I took her up into a hug, and whispered in her ear.

"Thank you, Rose, I know you don't want to do this, so thank you."

She looked up at me, smiling loosely. "It's okay." I let go of her and they were back in line formation.

"Everybody's got their cell phones, so keep in touch." Carlisle added.

"I will."

"Good luck."

And with that they all vanished into the forest, into the dark night.

I strode over to the piano and began playing Bella's lullaby, and continued playing all throughout the night.

In the morning, I changed clothes and drove to school. I waited for her in the parking lot, like normal, and we were together, but the day passed, again in silence.

I walked her to her truck, when the bell rang for the end of the day, and made the decision to act now.

"Do you mind if I come over tonight?" I asked.

"Of course not."

"Now?"

"Sure." But her voice sounded a bit uneasy. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

I spotted the envelope on the passenger seat and reached over to take it.

"I'll do it, and I'll still beat you there," I said, forcing a fake smile on my face.

"Okay."

I turned and headed towards my car. I managed to post the letter and get to Charlie's before Bella, of course. I parked in Charlie's spot. I wanted to get it over and done with quickly—that way it wouldn't hurt as much.

When she pulled up I went over to meet her. I took her bag from her and placed it back on the seat.

"Come for a walk with me," I suggested, taking her hand. I didn't wait for an answer.

Instead, I pulled her along to the dirt path beside Charlie's house, that led into the forest, stopping once we were a few trees in. Her expression was confused, it wasn't much of a walk. I leaned against a tree.

"Okay, let's talk."

I took a deep breath and began. "Bella, we're leaving."

"Why now? Another year—"

I interrupted her. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

She looked suitably more confused. I stared back at her.

"When you say _we_—," she whispered.

"I mean my family and myself."

She shook her head back and forth. I waited a few minutes before she spoke.

"Okay, I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going . . . It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella," I said, though I knew she wouldn't accept it.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," I said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing Edward! Nothing!

"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"

"As long as that was best for you." I kept my face blank, although my throat was burning, my thoughts racing, my non-existent heart breaking.

"_No! _This is about my soul, isn't it?" she shouted, furiously. Her words echoing through the thick jungle of trees. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"

I took a deep breath and stared at the ground. This was just as hard, if not harder, than I'd anticipated. I looked up, ready to act.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I focused my eyes on her face, awaiting her reaction. Would she believe my unforgivable lies?

"You . . . don't . . . want me?"

I took another, deeper, breath.

"No."

She stared into my eyes, I stared back. Her hard expression was slowly melting away to reveal a devastatingly fragile face. She waited before replying.  
"Well, that change things."

I looked away towards the forest as I spoke. "Of course, I'll always love you . . . in a way."

_'In every way possible!'_ I wanted to tell her, but I didn't want to make this harder for her, I just wanted her to forget about me. It would make it a whole lot easier for her, for both of us, to handle. "But what happened the other night made me realise that it's time for a change. Because I'm . . . _tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

It took every ounce of my superhuman strength to spit the words out—and make them _believable_.

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this." I stared at her.

"You're not good for me, Bella," I lied.

She opened her mouth to reply, and then closed it again. I waited patiently.

"If . . . that's what you want."

I nodded once, lying again. It wasn't what _I_ wanted, it's what _she_ should want. I didn't want any of this. I didn't want to lie to her. I didn't want to leave her.

"I would like to ask one favour, though, if that's not too much," I began.

"Anything."

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him." I lied, once again.

_'Take care of yourself for me!', _I wanted to say, but I had to stay detached.

She nodded again. "I will."

"And I'll make you a promise in return, I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

I smiled gently, but just to reassure her. "Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked me.

"Well,"—I hesitated—"I won't forget. But _my _kind . . . we're very easily distracted." I smiled, but with my mouth, not my eyes. I took a step away from her.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." This was it, or rather, _that _was it. It was over now, in the past.

"Alice isn't coming back."

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" Her voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." And then I said the final words.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Wait!" She stumbled forward. I locked my hands around her wrists, and pressed my lips to her forehead for the very last time. She closed her eyes.

"Take care of yourself," I whispered.

And then I was gone, before she could open her eyes, before I could take it all back and apologise; apologise for lying. I hadn't meant a word I'd said. I wanted to take her up in my arms and tell her I'd never let her go, I'd make sure she was safe, I'd love her forever and stay with her, protect her, make her happy.

But no, I had to focus. I wanted her to have a real, human life, didn't I? That was how it was supposed to be, not this surreal, dangerous life she had been living recently.

I raced around in a rough circle through the forest, among the undergrowth, and came back to Charlie's house. I had to act first, before she returned.

Once in her room, I took the CD of Bella's lullaby from the CD player, along with the case, and wondered what I would do with it. I had promised her that it would be as if I'd never existed, so it would be.

I settled on under the floorboards. I lifted one, and dropped the CD in. Then I realised, the camera. She had pictures of me. I spotted the scrapbook, lying on her bed. I opened it, the first picture was of me, the night of her birthday, underneath it read, 'Edward Cullen, 9th September'. I ripped it out, and continued looking through the scrapbook. I came across another one, of me and her that Charlie had taken. It was folded in half so only I was showing. I ripped that one out and tossed the two of them under the floorboards, along with the plane tickets Carlisle and Esme had bought her.

That was it. She'd be back soon enough, so I leaped out the window and sped off into the forest. Forever.


	7. Chapter 7 Possibilities

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters and storylines.**

_Previously: That was it. She'd be back soon enough, so I leaped out the window and sped off into the forest. Forever._

I didn't know where I was headed when I first set off, but the one thing I did know, was that it wasn't in the direction the rest of my family were going in.

I had ran, and ran, and continued to run, trying my hardest to keep the memories of what had just happened out of my head. My hardest wasn't enough. Every time I closed my eyes it was Bella I saw. Every time I opened my eyes it was Bella I saw.

The pain overwhelmed me, we—or me and her as it now was—had never been apart this long before.

I wasn't sure how long I had been running. The days, the weeks, the months, had all blended into one long blur. I wasn't sure if I was capable of stopping. All I knew was that I was hurting.

I didn't want to think about what I'd done, who I'd hurt in the process. My family would be upset. They thought I would be joining them. But I wanted to be alone, to just sink into nothingness and forget about it, to be forgotten, it to be as if I'd never existed.

The phone in my pocket vibrated again. It was the twenty-fifth time in twenty-four hours. I thought about opening the phone, at least seeing who was trying to contact me. Perhaps it was important. Maybe Carlisle needed me.

I thought about it, but I did not move.

I wasn't precisely sure where I was. Some dark attic crawl space, full of rats and spiders. The spiders ignored me, and the rats gave me a wide berth. The air was thick with the heavy scents of cooking oil, rancid meat, human sweat, and the nearly solid layer of pollution that was actually visible in the humid air, like a black film over everything.

Below me, four stories of a rickety ghetto tenement teamed with life. I didn't bother to separate the thoughts from the voices—they made a big, loud Spanish clamour that I didn't listen to. I just let the sounds bounce off me. Meaningless. All of it was meaningless.

My very existence was meaningless.

The whole world was meaningless.

My forehead pressed against my knees, and I wondered how much longer I would be able to stand this. Maybe it was hopeless. Maybe, if my attempt was doomed to failure anyway, I should stop torturing myself and just go back . . .

The idea was so powerful, so healing—like the words contained a strong anaesthetic, washing away the mountain of pain I was buried under—that it made me gasp, made me dizzy.

I could leave now, I could go back.

Bella's face, always behind the lids of my eyes, smiled at me.

It was a smile of welcome, of forgiveness, but it did not have the affect my subconscious probably intended it to have.

Of course I could not go back. What was my pain, after all, in comparison to her happiness? She should be able to smile, free from fear and danger. Free from a longing for a soulless future. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than me. When she left this world, she would go to a place that was forever barred to me, no matter how I conducted myself here.

The idea of that final separation was so much more intense than the pain I already had. My body shook with it. When Bella went on to the place where she belonged and I never could, I would not linger here behind. There must be oblivion. There must be relief.

That was my hope, but there were no guarantees. To sleep, perchance to dream.

Ay, there's the rub, I quoted to myself. Even when I was ash, would I somehow still feel the torture of her loss?

I shuddered again.

And, damn it, I'd promised. I'd promised her that I wouldn't haunt her life again, bring my black demons into it. I wasn't going back on my word. Couldn't I do anything right by her? Anything at all?

The idea of returning to the cloudy little town that would always be my true home on this planet snaked through my thoughts again.

Just to check. Just to see that she's well and safe and happy. Not to interfere.

She would never know I was there...

No. Damn it, no.

The phone vibrated again.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it," I growled.

I could use the distraction, I supposed. I flipped the phone open and registered the numbers with the first shock I'd felt in half a year.

Why would Rosalie be calling me? She was the one person who was probably enjoying my absence.

There must be something truly wrong if she needed to talk to me. Suddenly worried for my family, I hit the send button.

"What?" I asked tensely.

"Oh, wow. Edward answered the phone. I feel so honoured."

As soon as I heard her tone, I knew my family was fine. She must just be bored. It was hard to guess at her motives without her thoughts as a guide. Rosalie had never made much sense to me. Her impulses were usually founded on the most convoluted kinds of logic.

I snapped the phone shut.

"Leave me alone," I whispered to nobody.

Of course the phone vibrated again at once.

Would she keep calling until she passed along whatever message she was planning to annoy me with? Probably. It would take months for her to grow tired of this game. I toyed with the idea of letting her hit redial for the next half year...and then sighed and answered the phone again.

"Get on with it."

Rosalie rushed through the words. "I thought you would want to know that Alice is in Forks."

I opened my eyes and stared at the rotten wooden beams three inches from my face.

"What?" My voice was flat, emotionless.

"You know how Alice is—thinks she knows everything. Like you." Rosalie chuckled humourlessly. Her voice had a nervous edge, like she was suddenly unsure about what she was doing.

But my rage made it hard to care what Rosalie's problem was.

Alice had sworn to me that she would follow my lead in regards to Bella, though she did not agree with my decision. She'd promised that she would let Bella alone . . . for as long as I did. Clearly, she'd thought I would eventually fold to the pain. Maybe she was right about that.

But I hadn't. Yet. So what was she doing in Forks? I wanted to wring her skinny neck. Not that Jasper would let me get that close to her, once he caught a whiff of the fury blowing out of me...

"Are you still there, Edward?"

I didn't answer. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips, wondering if it were possible for a vampire to get a migraine.

On the other hand, if Alice had already gone back...

No. No. No. No.

I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life. I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life.

I repeated the words like a mantra, trying to clear my head of the seductive image of Bella's dark window. The doorway to my only sanctuary.

No doubt I would have to grovel, were I to return. I didn't mind that. I could happily spend the next decade on my knees if I were with her.

No, no, no.

"Edward? Don't you even care why Alice is there?"

"Not particularly."

Rosalie's voice turned a trifle smug now, pleased, no doubt, that she'd forced a response from me. "Well, of course, she's not exactly breaking the rules. I mean, you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter."

I blinked my eyes slowly. Bella had left? My thoughts circled around the unexpected idea. She hadn't graduated yet, so she must have returned to her mother.

That was good. She should live in sunshine. It was good that she'd been able to put the shadows behind her. I tried to swallow, and couldn't.

Rosalie trilled a nervous laugh. "So you don't need to be angry with Alice."

"Then why did you call me, Rosalie, if not to get Alice in trouble? Why are you bothering me? Ugh!"

"Wait!" she said, sensing, rightly, that I was able to hang up again. "That's not why I called."

"Then why? Tell me quickly, and then leave me alone."

"Well..." she hesitated.

"Spit it out, Rosalie. You have ten seconds."

"I think you should come home," Rosalie said in a rush. "I'm tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you've done to them. Emmett misses you all the time and it's getting on my nerves. You have a family. Grow up and think about something besides yourself."

"Interesting advice, Rosalie. Let me tell you a little story about a pot and a kettle..."

"I am thinking about them, unlike you. Don't you care how much you've hurt Esme, if no one else? She loves you more than the rest of us, and you know that. Come home."

I didn't answer.

"I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished, you would get over it."

"Forks was never the problem, Rosalie," I said, trying to be patient. What she'd said about Esme and Carlisle had struck a chord. "Just because Bella" —it was hard to say her name out loud— "has moved to Florida, it doesn't mean that I'm able . . . Look, Rosalie. I really am sorry, but, trust me, it wouldn't make anyone happier if I were there."

"Um . . . "

There it was, that nervous hesitation again.

"What is it that you're not telling me, Rosalie? Is Esme all right? Is Carlisle—"

"They're fine. It's just . . . well, I didn't say that Bella moved."

I didn't speak. I ran over our conversation in my head. Yes, Rosalie had said that Bella had moved. She'd said: . . . you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter. And then: I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished . . . So Bella wasn't in Forks. What did she mean, Bella hadn't moved?

Then Rosalie was rushing through her words again, saying them almost angrily this time.

"They didn't want to tell you, but I think that's stupid. The quicker you get over this, the sooner things can go back to normal. Why let you mope around the dark corners of the world when there's no need for it? You can come home now. We can be a family again. It's over."

My mind seemed to be broken. I couldn't make sense of her words. It was like there was something very, very obvious she was telling me, but I had no idea what it was.

My brain played with the information, making strange patterns of it. Nonsensical.

"Edward?"

"I don't understand what you are saying, Rosalie."

A long pause, the length of a few human heartbeats.

"She's dead, Edward."

A longer pause.

"I'm . . . sorry. You have a right to know, though, I think. Bella...threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped, though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how she's always cared for him—"

The phone went dead. It took me a few seconds to realize that I'd shut the power off.

I sat in the dusty darkness for a long, frozen space. It was like time had ended.

Like the universe had stopped.

Slowly, moving like an old man, I turned my phone back on and dialled the one number I'd promise myself I would never call again.

If it was her, I would hang up. If it was Charlie, I'd get the information I needed through subterfuge. I'd prove Rosalie's sick little joke wrong, and then go back to my nothingness.

"Swan residence," answered a voice I'd never heard before. A man's husky voice, deep, but still youthful.

I didn't pause to think about the implications of that.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father's voice. "May I please speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here," the voice responded, and I was dimly surprised by the anger in it.

The words were almost a snarl. But that didn't matter.

"Well, where is he then?" I demanded, getting impatient.

There was a short pause, as if the stranger wanted to withhold the information from me.

"He's at the funeral," the boy finally answered.

I shut the phone again.

I was running again, and this time, to Italy. I'd made up my mind long ago, and I'd told her about it.

I accelerated as I recalled the conversation we'd had as we watched Romeo and Juliet die on the TV screen.

_Well, I wasn't going live without you, _I'd said. _But I wasn't sure how to do it . . . I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help . . . so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi . . . You don't irritate them. Not unless you want to die._

She'd reacted badly when I'd confessed my contingency plans, but I'd promised myself. I wasn't going to live without her.

I ran. I'd decided to just simply ask the Volturi to die. If they didn't grant my favour—well I hadn't considered that yet, but I would find a way around it.

• • •

I'd nearly reached Volterra, my destination, when a ton of ideas rushed into my head. What to do if they didn't agree to kill me . . . a killing spree in the city? No, too gruesome. Attacking the Volturi guard . . . or I could keep it simple and just lift a car above my head. That would get the citizens talking—and guarantee a reaction from the Volturi.

Anything that would reveal our secret, the Volturi thought was their obligation to act upon.

I considered the possibilities over and over in my head, fighting to blank out the recurring image that refused to leave my thoughts—she was imprinted on my mind forever.

• • •

As I approached Volterra, I wondered how to ask them. I prayed they would say yes, I didn't want to make it more difficult than it already was. I wanted it to be over as soon as possible. After all, I had never intended to live that much longer than her.

I'd been trying to focus on this, my death, the entire way here. I wouldn't let it sink in that she's gone, and it wouldn't, not unless I continuously thought about it. I wouldn't let it register, not before it was too late.

Then I would be gone. I wouldn't be with her, but I would cease to exist and it would all be over with, finished forever.

• • •

They had deliberated. They had pondered. They had considered. They were curious as to why I was asking, but I hadn't let on. They overlooked my question.

I'd read each of their thoughts individually, and they seemed interested—but in the wrong thing.

They wanted me, my 'talent' to read minds. They were going to offer me a place with them. Their thoughts strayed back to my question . . . They said no.

• • •

I left, my feet leading me unconsciously to the main plaza. Ideas were jumping through my head, should I hunt? Not animals of course.

No, I didn't want to disappoint Carlisle, not now, not at the end of everything. I slowly eliminated my thoughts until only one was left in the forefront of my mind.

The sun.

That was it, I would simply walk out into the sun. It would be enough. My shimmering skin would attract the attention of humans.

And the Volturi would intervene. I let my feet continue to carry me to the main plaza in the heart of Volterra. That's where the most humans would be, where my fate awaited me.


	8. Chapter 8 Still Alive

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters and storylines.**

_Previously: And the Volturi would intervene. I let my feet continue to carry me to the main plaza in the heart of Volterra. That's where the most humans would be, where my fate awaited me. _

I was waiting in the shadows, underneath the clock tower; I wanted the sun to be directly overhead.

It was the St. Marcus' Day festival, and the square was packed with humans, the air thick with conversation and laughter. All eyes would be on me though, when the clock chimed twelve. Only a few minutes to go.

I removed my white shirt, and dropped it, crumpled, onto the stone floor underneath me. I closed my eyes. This was really it now.

I had left Bella. Bella, my love, my life, my everything. And now, she had left me. She ceased to exist on this earth. So I wasn't going to. And I would no longer exist in a matter of seconds.

The clock tolled.

I took a large stride toward the light.

"No! Edward, look at me!"

I smiled slightly, oblivious to the shout. The terror in the voice was insignificant in comparison to the emotions I was feeling right now. The relief was overwhelming—the relief that I could no longer hurt the one I loved. And this would be it now. I raised my foot to take the step that would put me in the direct sunlight.

Suddenly, an unforeseen force slammed into me. It didn't shift me, though. Instead, I held the person up, stopping them from crumpling at my strength.

I inhaled slowly, and the scent filled me with a warm, incomparable pleasure along with a sharp, burning fire. I opened my eyes slowly, as the clock continued to toll—and glanced down at her with quiet surprise.

"Amazing, Carlisle was right."

"Edward!" she gasped. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"

I brushed my hand softly against her cheek. The clock tolled again. That was it, it was over. One step and I was gone. How peaceful.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good." I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against her hair. "_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty," _I murmured Romeo's last line.

The clock let out it's final toll.

"You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

"I'm not dead, and neither are you!" she interrupted. "Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

"What was that?" I asked politely.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi—"

And then I realised—the same realisation I had felt on that fateful night of Bella's birthday—that I wasn't in hell. I wasn't even dead.

And Bella was alive.

And we were standing in the centre of the grand piazza—with the sun beating down on my bare, gleaming skin.

My senses came to life, my control sifted over me like a shield, and I focused.

I quickly yanked Bella away, spinning her so that her back was tight against the brick wall of the alleyway behind us, me in front of her, my arms spread out wide, protectively. Two dark, shapes detached themselves from the gloom.

"Greetings, gentlemen. I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters." I kept my voice calm and pleasant.

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?"

"I don't believe that will be necessary. I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules," I said, to the shorter of the two figures.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun." The other said, in a soothing voice. I knew better than to trust him, though. "Let us seek better cover."

"I'll be right behind you. Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I suggested. She didn't have to witness this.

"No, bring the girl." Felix said in a whisper.

"I don't think so." I shifted my weight, preparing to fight.

"No." Bella mouthed at me.

"Shh," I murmured back.

"Felix," the second voice cautioned. "Not here." He turned back to me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," I agreed. "But the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We do have rules to obey."

"Then _I'm _afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix purred.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown."

The two cloaked figures spread out slightly, coming at us from two sides. I didn't move an inch. My head whipped round, aware that somebody else was with us. Demetri and Felix did the same.

"Let's behave ourselves shall we? There are ladies present." Alice tripped lightly to my side. She looked tiny and fragile, compared to Demetri's bulky frame.

Demetri and Felix straightened up, they didn't seem to like even numbers.

"We're not alone," Alice reminded them.

Demetri glanced over his shoulder, where a family stood watching us. The father walked over to one of the many men in red blazers, an apparent security guard, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Please, Edward, let's be reasonable." Demetri said, shaking his head.

"Let's," I agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

Six men in red joined the family and watched us anxiously, from the mouth of the alley.

"No."

Felix smiled.

"Enough," a familiar voice chimed.  
I didn't need more than that one word to realise immediately who it was. I dropped my protective stance over Bella in defeat.

"Jane," I said.

Alice folded her arms across her chest.

"Follow me," Jane said. She turned her back and began to drift away, silently.

Felix gestured for us to go first, smirking. Alice followed after Jane instantly. I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and pulled her along beside me.

"Well, Alice," I began. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," she replied in the same tone as myself. "It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?" I asked politely, assuming the tone of barely intrigued.

"It's a long story, in summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

I listened intently to Alice's thoughts, near-drownings, stalking vampires, werewolf friends . . . Bella could be quite a handful, I had to admit.

"Hm," I said, the casual tone to my voice gone.

The alley sloped downwards as we walked, until we reached a brick wall. Bella stopped in her tracks as Alice walked curtly to the wall, then slipped down an open hole in the street.

"It's all right, Bella, Alice will catch you," I said in a low voice in her ear. Her expression was one of alarm, but she crouched down, swinging her legs in the narrow gap.

"Alice?" she whispered, her voice trembling slightly.

"I'm right here, Bella," she called up in reassurance.

I took her wrists and lowered her down into the hole. "Ready?" I asked.  
"Drop her," she called back. I let her fall, and heard a slight thud as Alice caught her in her waiting arms.

I slipped through the hole and landed beside them. Bella was on her feet now.

I put my arm around her, and held her close to my side. She wrapped both her arms around my waist and stumbled across the uneven stone surface.

The hole that we'd jumped down had led to a sewer-like tunnel, without the stench. It was dank and dark, and no other sounds could be heard apart from our footsteps, and Bella's loud thudding heart. I heard an impatient sigh come from behind me.

I pulled Bella closer. I reached for her face with my free hand, tracing across her lips with my thumb, occasionally pressing my face into her hair. This was the only time we would get for a reunion. Bella clutched herself closer to me.

The path began to slant downwards, I could tell Bella was tense, and afraid more than anything. I didn't know myself what exactly was going to happen. She began to shake, and her teeth to chatter. I immediately let go of her, keeping only her hand in mine.

"N-n-no," she said, throwing her arms back around me. I rubbed my hand against her arm, trying to create heat.

At the end of the tunnel was a grate, the iron bars rusting. A small door of thinner, interlaced bars was standing open. I ducked through and hurried on to a larger, brighter stone room. The grille slammed shut with a clang, followed by the snap of a lock.

On the other side of the long room was a low, heavy wooden door. It was very thick—I could only tell because it, too, stood open.

We stepped through the door and Bella glanced around her, relaxing automatically beside me. I tensed, my jaw clenched tight.

We were in a brightly lit hallway. It was warmer here, I was glad for Bella's benefit, but I still kept on rubbing her arm.

I glowered darkly down the long hallway toward Jane's black shrouded figure at the end, standing by an elevator. I pulled Bella along, Alice on her other side. The door creaked shut behind us, and I hear the thud of a bolt sliding home. Jane held the doors of the elevator open for us.

Once inside the elevator, Jane, Demetri and Felix relaxed, letting the hoods of their cloaks fall back on their shoulders. I looked around at them, all three pairs of eyes were a deep crimson colour.

When the elevator ride was over, we stepped out into what looked like a posh reception area. In the middle of the room was a high, polished mahogany counter. A woman stood behind it, she was tall, with dark skin and green eyes, clearly not one of us. What were the Volturi thinking?

She smiled politely at us. "Good afternoon, Jane."

Jane nodded. "Gianna." She continued toward a set of double doors in the back of the room. Felix walked past and winked at Gianna, she giggled in response.

On the other side of the wooden doors, we came face to face with Alec, Jane's partner in crime. He looked exactly the same as her, with the same height and cherub-like cheeks. Alec smiled, reaching for her. "Jane."

"Alec," she responded, embracing him. He looked up at us.

"They send you out for one and you come back with two . . . and a half," he said, noticing Bella. "Nice work."

Jane laughed.

"Welcome back, Edward," Alec greeted me. "You seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," I replied. Alec chuckled and looked closely at Bella.

"And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he asked, sceptical.

I smiled falsely, and then froze.

"Dibs," Felix called.

I turned to face him, a low snarl building up deep in my chest. Felix smiled—his hand was raised, palm up; he curled his fingers twice, inviting me forward.

Alice touched my arm. "Patience," she cautioned me.

We exchanged a long glance, both wondering what would happen. Alice could not foresee it, as they hadn't made a decision as of yet.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again," Alec presumed.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane suggested.

I nodded.

Alec and Jane holding hands, led the way down an ornate hallway. They stopped halfway down the hall and slid aside a piece of the paneling to expose a plain wooden door. Alec held it open for Jane.

I pulled Bella through the other side of the door. It was the same stone as the sewers we were in before, only not as long. It opened into a brighter, round room, similar to a huge castle turret.

A handful of people were convened, conversing with each other. A pair of women in summer dresses were stood in a patch of light, and their skin threw sparkles against the sienna walls.

They were all dressed in casual pants and shirts, that wouldn't look out of place outside on the streets.

The first person that spoke though, was one that wore a long jet-black robe.


End file.
